What a week it has been! Getting in all of the 6 month checkups and dentist visits before the new year has me wore out! I haven’t blogged in a while. I wish I was disciplined enough to just sit down and do it more often. I think it is therapy I need! 🙂 I wanted to share some things we have learned over the past few weeks. It has been a roller coaster of emotions again for me.
I think I should start with what we have been studying at church. The book of Esther. Now if you know anything about Esther you know she was in a place that she maybe shouldn’t have been according to the world but she was placed there by God. And when it came time to do what she was placed there for all she had to hear was perhaps you are here for such a time as this! If you aren’t willing then God will use someone else. Ok, so that’s paraphrased but that’s the just of it. I know that it isn’t by chance that we are studying these scriptures at this time in my life. God knew I needed to be reminded that He is in control and I just have to trust Him to see us through. Just as Esther trusted Him and did what she needed to do save her people. I need to trust Him if I want my life to bring honor and glory to Him.
Now, onto our story. For a couple of months now I have noticed Natalie being really winded and fatigued when exerting energy at all. She had got to where she didn’t even want to walk around the store with me. If she went inside the store she would find a place to sit down or just plop down in the middle of the isle. She had even said she wanted to start using her wheelchair when we went into the store because she was getting to tired walking around. We had been told that if her scoliosis got to bad that her lungs could be affected. So, I decided to take her to the pulminologist to see how her lungs were doing. We found out that her lungs were functioning at about 75%. The doctor said that between weak muscles and the scoliosis that her lungs just didn’t work like they should. He told us that we should talk to the ortho doctor again and should maybe start considering spinal fusion surgery. Ugggg….
I am so thankful that we have the best doctors in the country right at our fingertips. A few words on an email and I’m in contact with one of the most knowledgeable doctors about FA in the country. I told him about what had been going on and about Natalie’s 41 degree spinal curve. He said that would be a number that we would start considering intervention with surgery because in FA the spine won’t stop moving when they stop growing like with other types of scoliosis. That WASN’T at all what I wanted to hear but OK Lord, help me remember your in control! We have hoped and prayed that we could somehow avoid this surgery. There are so many horrible stories about it and it’s just stinkin scary! Especially for a fragile little girl like my Natalie.
I knew that I needed to start talking to Natalie about the possibilities of having to have surgery. This was a scary step for me. I had been afraid of it for so long but if I needed to get prepared for it then I needed to be ready to answer any questions she may have about it and be ready to answer her questions without falling to pieces. Well, I could try!! 🙂 I told Natalie what I had learned from the specialist. She was a bit taken back. She said “but they keep telling me that it will stop in a another year”! Then I have to explain to her that these wonderful well meaning doctors don’t know enough about FA to know that isn’t the case for her. I asked her what scared her so bad about the surgery. All this time I had thought it was the pain of it, the recovery time and everything that goes along with it but that wasn’t her first response. As tears started forming in her eyes she said “momma I’m afraid something is going to happen and I won’t wake up”. My heart just sank in my chest. I didn’t realize that my biggest fear was also her biggest fear. I had never talked about the dangers of the surgery. How did she have this automatic fear in her?? People go through surgery’s every single day and come out just fine! Why would she think such a thing?? Well, she does have wisdom well beyond her 13 years.
Here is where the Lord brings back to my mind that we have to be ready FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. By this time we are both in tears as I explain to her that I firmly believe that if God has surgery as part of the road He has laid out for her than I believe He will walk us through it. I explain to her that all we want with our lives is to bring Honor and Glory to HIM. And while it is COMPLETELY ok to be scared and would rather that this cup pass from us we have to have faith that HE will see us through. YES, it will be hard and YES it will be a long road but you NATALIE are strong!! So, after we discussed that she also told me how hard it would be and that she wouldn’t get to see her friends because she would be in the hospital FOREVER (that’s the teenager over dramatization lol) I assured her that her friends would be right there with her.
The thought of this surgery has been scary for me because I know that her recovery is all up to HER. No one else. It will be up to her to do the therapy and work as hard as she can to push through the pain and get her body working again. I can’t do it for her, her daddy can’t do it for her, even her most favorite Physical Therapist in the world can do it for her. She would have to do the work to recover to what she is now. I told her that for a while her physical therapist, who by the way is more that just a PT to us, would probably come to the house for a couple of weeks to do therapy and then we would go to the rehab. I think she was a little more at ease but is of course still a bit fearful. Wouldn’t anyone be?!?! We have started chiropractic care and he is doing decompression treatment on her 3 times a week. We will do everything we can to avoid the surgery but if it is in our future we want to be ready.
We don’t know anything for sure yet. We go back to the ortho doctor on January 18th and we will know more then. We are praying for wisdom and direction and to know the things that I just have to let go and lay at Jesus feet, as my sweet friend reminded me.
Natalie is blogging about her journey. If you haven’t read it you need to. She is so funny. WWW.LeapOfFaith123@wordpress.com
Thank you to all of our wonderful friends who continue to walk this journey with us. I’m so blessed to have you all!